Breathing
by maverick10
Summary: There was no car accident, Jess never moved back to NY, Rory never kissed Jess, What coulda been Literari
1. One Moment

Title: Breathing Author: Maverick Disclaimer: Songs by Life house. "Breathing" own nothing else. (R/J)  
  
CHAPTER 1:One moment  
  
I'm finding my way back to sanity again  
  
Though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there  
  
I take a breath and hold on tight  
  
Spin around one more time  
  
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace  
  
Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying  
  
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight  
  
That's all right, all right with me  
  
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door  
  
And listen to you breathing  
  
It's where I wanna be, yeah  
  
Where I wanna be  
  
I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth  
  
And I'm trying to identify the voices in my head  
  
God wish won't you  
  
Let me feel one more time what if feels like to feel  
  
And break these calluses off me one more time  
  
Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying  
  
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight  
  
That's all right, all right with me  
  
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside of your door  
  
And listen to you breathing  
  
It's where I wanna be, yeah  
  
Oh I don't want a thing from you  
  
Bet you're tired of me waiting for  
  
The scraps to fall off of your table to the ground  
  
La da da da...  
  
Cause I just wanna be here now  
  
Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying  
  
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight  
  
That's all right, alright with me  
  
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door  
  
And listen to you breathing  
  
It's where I wanna be, yeah  
  
Where I wanna be  
  
-Life house  
  
~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
One moment that's all it takes. One single moment that could alter your life for better or for worse, one single second when your worlds twisted, and your not thinking straight. The importance of anything seems to disappear along with your broken dreams. That's all it takes.  
  
~~  
  
"Jessie Mariano! Nice of you to show up!"  
  
"Its Jess," Jess muttered walking right pass his English teacher grabbing a seat in the back.  
  
According to Luke Jess was no longer allowed to cut class. Not that he was ever "allowed" to in the first place. Luke also insisted that Jess be tutored. At first Jess opposed that idea, but when Luke said he has already asked Rory, Jess had a change of heart.  
  
Rory Gilmore.  
  
That one name made his stomach flip. Amazing how merely four syllables had could have such meaning.  
  
Jess took out his notebook, and started scribbling down random thoughts and song lyrics. The teacher and class weren't there to him. Just him, the pen, and the paper; nothing else. There were only two other instances where Jess had such focus. When he was reading and when he was with Rory.  
  
  
  
Life altering moments may be so small, and seemingly insignificant that they are hardly noticed. But in Jess' case, he knew things were going to be different the moment he lost his head in New York, and the minute he set foot in Stars Hollow, he was confirmed.  
  
It was then that he thought his life was over. Until he met her, Rory Gilmore, the only girl, no the only person, in the world who saw him for who he was. She saw through the barrier Jess built over the years, and she managed to work her way into Jess' life without even trying that hard. And that scared the hell out of Jess. Jess had gotten pretty damn good at not caring, and she went against everything.  
  
School went by utterly slow. By the time Jess was walking toward the diner, he was exhausted and had a huge headache. That's why when he bumped into some inconsiderate person he was about to push them back. That was when he saw it was Dean, Rory's boyfriend.  
  
Now trust me, Jess would of wanted nothing more than to kick the crap out of the exceptionally tall bagboy. But then he pictured what Rory's reaction would be, so he just put his hands in his pocket, fighting the urge to swing. "Watch it," Dean said, when he noticed it was Jess he bumped into. Dean was normally the "nice" boy, but whenever he was around Jess he seemed to be the biggest jerk in the world.  
  
"Watch yourself," Jess said back, and kept walking.  
  
He made it to the bridge, and was about to sit when he realized that today was a workday, and Luke expected him at the diner within the next five minutes.  
  
When he got to the diner, he sat in a booth until his shift started. After two hours of dealing with annoying customers, scrubbing tables, and countertops, and fighting a worsening headache, Jess had his break.  
  
He sighed in relief, when Luke waved him out. He ran upstairs grabbed to Advil's, and made his way out the door.  
  
"You're getting Tutored at 7 Jess."  
  
"Whatever." Jess said before leaving.  
  
Jess lay on his stomach, his head in a book. The air was cooling, and it was starting to get dark. The bridge was possibly the quietest place in Stars Hollow. It was the only place Jess didn't really mind being alone. The thing was that ever since jess was a little kid, he was left alone. His mom would leave a 4-year-old Jess, in the apartment, to find his own dinner, and Jess would pass time with a book. This must have really emotionally scarred Jess, like the kid in Rumble Fish.  
  
For the first 8 years of Jess' life, he thought his home life was normal, that was until he met his friends' families.  
  
Soon his mom met someone, Ron. Jess couldn't decide which was worse, having no one or having Ron. He preferred no one. Ron was a tall man, sort of reminded Jess of Dean. At least when Dean towered over Jess, just like Ron always had. What his mom saw in Ron he never knew.  
  
Jess' watch beeped.. 10 to 7  
  
Tutor time  
  
Rory time  
  
  
  
Jess got back to the diner to see Rory and her mother eating dinner. When Lorelai left, Rory approached Jess at the counter.  
  
"So you ready?"  
  
"Ready for what?"  
  
Rory smiled patiently, "Take a guess."  
  
"Uh robbing a bank?"  
  
"Naw Clyde sorry Bonnie's coming at 8. Now get your books."  
  
"Books?"  
  
"You do have books don't you?"  
  
"I don't remember."  
  
"Okay fine Jess see you tomorrow."  
  
"No wait, I'll get them hold on," Jess tossed her an apple and disappeared upstairs. 


	2. One shot

Title: Breathing Author: Maverick Disclaimer: Own nothing and no one. Quotes by Eminem. A/N: Reviews would be cool.  
  
CHAPTER 2 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~~*~*~*~*~ Look. If you had one shot. one opportunity. to seize every thing you ever wanted in one moment. Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?  
  
-Eminem ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
"Jess?.. Jess? .......JESS?"  
  
Jess widened his eyes, and gave his head a little shake.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Your not even paying attention."  
  
"I was too."  
  
"Okay," Rory said, "Then what did I just say?"  
  
Jess struggled for a second. He WAS listening just not to the words, just her voice. Hew was trying to remember at least one word.  
  
"You said the use of symbolism in The Pearl was one of the reasons Stienbeck..."  
  
"Jess."  
  
"What?"  
  
"We're doing math."  
  
"Oh. An honest mistake."  
  
"That's it I'm going."  
  
Jess stood up, "Alright, alright fine," Jess turned the text book around to face him, and started pointing.  
  
"If you bring this over there than substitute A for B then you should get the same as X plus C."  
  
Rory looked at him hesitated for a second and then said, "Can I ask you something?"  
  
Jess looked up and softly met her eyes, "Yeah?"  
  
"You know all these things, you read everything, you remember everything, you don't need a tutor, hell you should be a tutor, I mean don't you care?"  
  
"I never thought you much of a pep talker."  
  
"Well theres a lot of things you don know about me."  
  
Jess bit the corner of his lip, "well I'd like to know more then."  
  
He smiled, and Rory looked down at her hands, a small trace of a blush on her face.  
  
Suddenly their moment was broken by a loud crash from upstairs, and the abrupt voice of Luke, "DAMNIT!"  
  
Jess rolled his eyes in frustration, and amusement, "You alright up there?" he said all too casually.  
  
"Shut up!" a painful growl came from Luke.  
  
A few moments later Luke cam limping down the stairs, "Im going out," he grunted, "Lock up at ten."  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
Luke slammed the door behind him.  
  
"That was weird."  
  
"You think he's hurt?" Rory looked worried.  
  
"Naw, he's fine."  
  
"okay."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"So where were we?"  
  
Rory closed the math text book, and pulled out his history book.  
  
"So where's Dean?"  
  
Rory looked up at his random question.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"He working or something?"  
  
Rory flipped through the pages.  
  
"He's in Chicago for the week."  
  
"Huh." Jess smiled to himself, he took this as an opportunity to spend more time with Rory.  
  
"Does he know you're here?"  
  
"Here on this earth, or here, here?"  
  
"Here, here."  
  
"Does it matter?"  
  
"So if he doesn't know you're here, where does he think you are?"  
  
"I don't think he cares."  
  
" You say that as if he doesn't worship the ground you walk on."  
  
"Your annoying."  
  
"He probably has one of those secret lairs of pictures of you and gum chewed by you."  
  
"Stop it," Rory couldn't help smiling.  
  
"Oh and a 'I love Rory' web page."  
  
Rory gave him a little shove on the shoulder.  
  
"Oh do I bring out the hostile side in you?" Jess laughed.  
  
"I don't have a hostile side," Rory lowered her eyebrows.  
  
"Oh I think you do."  
  
"No," she said stubbornly.  
  
"Yes"  
  
"No"  
  
"Yes"  
  
Rory threw a rolled up napkin at him.  
  
"Aha!" Jess pointed, "I rest my case."  
  
Rory smiled and threw another one at him, hitting Jess in the nose. Jess picked it up and threw it back at Rory, hitting her left shoulder. Rory got up from the booth and grabbed a couple of napkins, " This is war!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
About twenty minutes later, Rory crouched behind a table on its side, on one side of the room. Jess behind a sideways tables on the other. There, they threw napkin balls back and forth until Jess ran out of ammo. He looked around the room frantically at all the empty napkin dispensers. And then there on the far corner, lay one single silver dispenser, over flowing with napkins. Jess gritted his teeth and dramatically started across the room, jumping over chairs he could of easily jogged around, and dodging napkins that were yet to be thrown. Rory took the opportunity and started hurling napkins at Jess. Jess grabbed his chest and fell to the ground in defeat. He shook in fake spasms, and gurgled a few times.  
  
"Ha! I am the napkin champion!" Rory exclaimed, raising her fists above her head. She walked over to Jess on the ground his eyes shut.  
  
"You," she pointed, "lost."  
  
He suddenly opened his eyes, startling Rory.  
  
"Oh really?"  
  
He asked pulling her down next to him. He rolled over and started tickling her. Rory erupted with laughter pleading for mercy. Jess stopped, his head inches above hers, which was comfortably laid, back on the ground. And then almost as if in slow motion he started to lean closer towards her.  
  
*ring *  
  
  
  
The phone rang, Jess shut his eyes, and sighed in frustration. "Hold on," he said and got up toward the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Jess?"  
  
"Luke?"  
  
"Jess it's me," Luke sounded like he was in a lot of pain, Jess could hear some people in the background, "I broke my foot," came another painful groan from Luke.  
  
"You broke your foot?"  
  
"I broke my foot."  
  
"You broke your foot and managed to walk down those stairs, then drive to. Where are you?"  
  
"The hospital."  
  
"Right."  
  
"I called Lorelai."  
  
"Isnt this kind of off topic?"  
  
"Jess shutup,"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Like I was saying, I called Lorelai, and she's got a place for you on the couch."  
  
"Why cant I just stay here?"  
  
"Jess when a grumpy old man two times the size of you tell you to do something, do it."  
  
"What's with you and Dean using your abnormal size for power thing?"  
  
"Jess."  
  
"Alright fine, I'll lock up the diner and go to Lorelais."  
  
Rory looked up at this.  
  
"Yea. Okay. right. I know. goodbye. goodbye. GOODBYE Luke!"  
  
Jess hung up.  
  
"What was that all about?"  
  
Jess looked around the room, white with napkins.  
  
"I'll tell you while we clean up."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
After Rory and Jess finished cleaning up, Jess locked up and they started toward the Gilmore house. A few steps into the walk Rory started to shiver.  
  
"Here," Jess handed her his jacket.  
  
"That's okay," Rory said fighting a shiver.  
  
"GO ahead take it, don't wory it doesn't smell."  
  
With that Rory took it and wrapped it around her tightly. It was nice and warm, and had this comforting scent that sent tingles down Rory's spine.  
  
"Better?" Jess raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Much." Rory smiled, and Jess smiled back.  
  
Rory put her hands in her pockets, she was too tempted to hold his hand. Jess took notice but didn't say anything for all he knew, her hands were just cold. So they just walked casually down the street in a comfortable silence, that Rory never had with Dean. Neither felt any pressure to say anything, or in any hurry to get to their destination.  
  
Jess let his head fall back and looked up to the dark sky, stars scattered all around it. He could see his breath when he exhaled, the cold air hitting his face. He never felt so alive.  
  
Rory looked down at her feet. One after the other after the other. With each step she grew more and more comfortable, and safer in Jess' coat. Although they weren't speaking there was this silent bond between them that neither could or had the need to explain.  
  
When they arrived to the Gilmore house they were both happy to receive the warmth of a home, and disappointed their walk was coming to an end.  
  
~**~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: review ??????? 


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